ON GOD'S LAST WORDS: CIAO! HASTA LA VISTA! DOSVIDANIYA! TA! AU REVOIR! SO LONG!

There are many people in the world who think God speaks to them directly. Some think he talks to them every time they pray. Others believe he directly commands them because of their position--Pope, Imam, Priest, Nun, Lama. Still others roam the streets of our cities and towns talking to God in a loud voice, sometimes in anger and sometimes in tongues.

I have been writing for publication for more than 40 years. During that time I have agonized over every word put to paper. Have I ended a sentence in a preposition? Did I just turn a noun into a verb? Has that comma changed the meaning of the sentence? Or, the thought that haunts me every day, does anyone read this tripe?

What do these two paragraphs have to do with each other? Well, God spoke to me today and told me to write to you. He asks that you leave him alone. 

He told me to tell the world he is retiring from all his earthly duties as of the close of business Wednesday, July 24, 2014.

He That Maketh Light told me he picked this date because it is the anniversary of his birth, 201,421 years ago. Strangely, this date corresponds to approximately the same period scientists believe today's thinking humans began inhabiting the Earth.

God says he now wants to turn his attention to the people of the planet Htrae [He That Is Mighty pronouncing the name: Hee-tray]. He would not tell me precisely where it is located. However, The Holy One did say it is millions of light years from our Earth.

The Almighty also told me Htrae has significant differences when compared to Earth. "The people of Htrae profess no religion, ask nothing of me, and they all get along with one another famously," he explained from a light emanating from my bowl of Shredded Wheat and skim milk this morning.

He added, "It's like...well...like heaven!"

The second thing The Glory And The Light told me, and I must admit it is rather a daunting thing to hear from the mouth of the Lord Almighty, is that he reads my blog, Martin's Musings. He told me, in a truly deep voice (I swear it really does sound like Morgan Freeman), that he prefers when I write satirically.

"You're out of your league when you attempt to tackle the world's problems and provide solutions, like you did last Monday," he groused. He demanded I give up trying to solve problems and stick to writing absurdity. He reasoned that satire and absurdity best fit the world on which I live.

As for why he was leaving us with such short notice, he had this to say:

"You elect leaders who meet regularly in New York, under one roof, and profess peace and understanding. Then, the same people leave New York, go home, and begin bombing their neighbors. That's absurd! 

You erect a beautiful statue and place it in your harbor for all to see. You inscribe it with words inviting the poor and 'huddled masses' to enter your land to breathe free. When they take you at your word and come ashore, you angrily taunt them and tell them to go back from whence they came. Why?

The absurdity that really sends shivers up my spine, however, is what you do with your right to vote. When it is time to elect leaders to protect your self-interest you either don't take the time or you elect rich idiots who couldn't care less for you, me, or the air you breathe? That's nothing save insanity my friend! 

This lack of intelligence, coupled with your constant demand for my intervention, is what causes me to give up on Earth and start spending my time watching Htrae. You're on your own."

So, with the skim milk still curdled in my belly, I have made a pact with the Holy One that today will be my last day attempting to report the news. God as my witness!