ON GUNS IN AMERICA: NRA SAYS THEY HAVE A PLAN TO STOP VIOLENCE

Wayne LaPierre

The National Rifle Association has announced that in light of what they describe as the "Watts-like riots" in Ferguson, Missouri, the nation's leading gun advocate will present to the new Republican-led Congress an outline for legislation to "protect Americans once and for all."

In the news release that accompanied the announcement the gun lobby group states that, "the NRA wants to assure that every U.S. citizen has access to a gun whenever and wherever they find themselves facing the darkness of violence." Watts refers to a neighborhood in Los Angeles where in August 1965 racially-motivated riots killed 34 people and injured more than 1,000.

Text and Shoot While Driving Combo

In the statement released to the media that outlined the proposal, Wayne LaPierre, the Executive Vice President of the group is quoted as saying, "On behalf of the billions and billions of law abiding Americans who belong to the NRA, we need to put an end to the violence perpetrated by the dark element in our society." 

Named by the NRA as the Guns Everywhere Citizens Protection Act of 2015, the measure will require every major U.S. manufacturer to include a gun be designed into their products. If passed the legislation would go into effect within two years of enactment.

"No, my door isn't always open "

LaPierre added, "According to our statistics, kept on behalf of the billions of loyal Americans who belong to the premier defender of America's Constitutionally guaranteed Second Amendment rights, the most sacred of the rights guaranteed by our forefathers, there are only about 300 million guns in the hands of the average U.S. citizen.  That number is growing at a truly disappointing rate of only 10 million guns per year.  These numbers, along with the puny number of weapons held by the estimated 780,000 police and 13,400 FBI Special Agents, are just a drop in the bucket of what is needed to fight the ubiquitous dark evil spreading across our great land."

The NRA Dresser-Killer Combo

When asked to clarify his comment on dark evil, Mr. LaPierre simply added, "You know who I'm talking about; they're the ones who don't have pure white intentions in their hearts and souls."

In a related story, The Tampa Bay Times reported yesterday that Nathan Scott, one of the three victims shot in the library of Florida State University recently, is asking the Florida Legislature to allow concealed weapons on college campuses.

In an interview with Musings, Mr. Scott (no relation to the present Governor, Rick Scott) stated that, "If the damn library had titles like Sig Sauer or Glock instead of Notes of a Native Son and Invisible Man I can guarantee nobody would have been shot."

Later that day, Musings received a press release from the NRA's Florida affiliate.  In it, Marion Hammer, the NRA's chief Florida lobbyist, is quoted as saying, "What a smart young man this Scott is.  I'm 1,000 percent behind this sensible idea."

Michael Brown

Governor Scott's office also released a statement regarding the Scott proposal. When asked to clarify, an aide to the Governor said, "You know we're only working here on jobs, jobs, jobs.  But, guns replacing books in the libraries across Florida could bring these protection aids to millions of hard working Floridians who can't afford more than basic food and shelter. With the increase we've seen in the dark and evil element, eating Skittles and playing loud thug music, we're eager to get behind this effort to help people protect themselves."

Tamir Rice

Since Michael Brown's death in Ferguson last August, 14 teens have been shot and killed by police officers in the USA, including six African-American youngsters.

The latter statistic includes Cameron Tillman, a 14-year-old boy from Terrebonne, Louisiana, who was shot to death on September 21.  In Cleveland, Ohio, 12-year-old Tamir Rice was gunned down on November 22.  Both boys were armed with dark skin and toy guns.