ON EARLY ESTIMATES SUGGEST MILLIONS DRANK OBAMACARE KOOL-AID

A report published in The Los Angeles Time suggests an estimated 9.5 million previously uninsured Americans have signed up for health insurance under the Affordable Care Act, also known as "Obamacare."

Medicaid enrollment under the new law jumped by 4.5 million Americans. About 3 million young people under the age of 26 were added to their parents' insurance plans. And, approximately 2 million of the more than 7 million people signing up for new insurance plans were not previously covered.

Katherine Carman of the RAND Corporation suggested the numbers of those previously uninsured might be as high as 9.8 million people, according to the Tampa Bay Times.

Commenting on this phenomenon, Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY), who previously told FOX News he thought the White House was, "cooking the books on this," told the Cheyenne and Cowboy News Observer that he has heard only drug addicts have signed up for the insurance.

"It's my understanding that after you signed up for this socialistic program you were given a prescription for unlimited refills of both Hydrocodone and medical marijuana."  "When you think about it, other than drinking the Obamacare Kool-Aid, it is the only way someone would sign up for this cockamamie scheme," he added.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), when asked if he agreed with Senator Barrasso's assessment said, "I know for a fact that people in the Dallas suburbs were invited to a breakfast of green eggs and ham where an Obamacare Navigator was able to sign up hundreds of God-fearing Texans." "I personally think they put a brain-washing drug in the green eggs and washed it down with that Obamacare Kool-Aid," he recounted for the Dallas Morning News and Bronco Daily

Sarah Palin, not to be left out of the punditry stakes, telephoned The Nome News and Grizzly Bear Weekly after the story broke. She claimed that, "At least half [of the new enrollees] will be dead within the year after the death panel procedures begin this summer...that is if the Obamacare Kool-Aid doesn't kill them."

CNN, which had to break into its 24-hour coverage of the Malaysian Airlines disaster, said a reliable source "tweeted" Wolf Blitzer blaming the debacle on, "Zombie Navigators."  Don Lemon claiming he is younger and had a Twitter account, took over the on-air investigation asking Twitter followers to provide their opinion about whether Zombie Navigators or Obamacare Kool-Aid was the cause of Obamacare's numbers.

In Florida, where both Governor Rick Scott and the State Legislature have fought vigilantly against the evils of Obamacare, Will Weatherford, Speaker of the Florida House of Representatives, was quoted in the Florida Gunshine News Observer.

"I cannot believe more than 440,000 Florida residents were caught in this web of lies and deception.  We did everything we could to stop this, including turning down $51 Billion to fund the program with no strings attached."

The Koch Brothers say they are surprised and flummoxed, David said in the Wichita Koch News & Conservative Weekly, "We put billions into stopping this, including hiring Chinese and Russian hackers to destroy the healthcare.gov website. I cannot believe they were able to fix it so quickly. Damn it is frustrating."

His brother, Charles, went further, again speaking to the newspaper they own, "We have contacted the 229 members of the House that we bought and they have promised me they will bring this up again and vote it down like they have 50 times before. You can take that to the bank."

When contacted to confirm the Koch Brothers' comments, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) said, "Oh, yea, we're going to do this at least one more time."

In a telephone conversation with President Barack Obama, he told this reporter, "I told them to drink the Kool-Aid, and it worked."