ON: TRUTH ABOUT PUTIN'S RAMPAGE IN UKRAINE EXPOSED

According to a report released by the Chief Judge of the Moscow Civil Court, Vladimir Ilich Romanov, the Putin divorce last year was much less civil than the couple made public in June 2013. Judge Romanov is quoted as saying, "Mrs. Putin testified that not only was Mr. Putin short-tempered, he was short in other ways as well."

When Lyudmila Putin was asked by a reporter from the Moscow Times & Vodka Daily if this report was accurate, she said simply, "What can I say? The man has small hands and feet, you figure it out."

When pressed further about President Putin's reported dalliance with Russian gymnast Alina Kabayeva, his former wife said only that, " Da! It is true. She's tiny and, with her ability to do leg splits, she can move close enough to Vlad to actually feel like something is happening to her. I couldn't feel that."  When asked to clarify that statement, she said, "That is the short and long of it."

The Chief Judge, claiming he was following Russia's extensive new Sunshine Laws, also released the complete transcript of the civil hearing to end the 30-year marriage. In his testimony, Mr. Putin told the judge he was unable to meet his former wife's alimony demand to grant her large parts of the former Soviet Union, like the Baltic states.  However, he did tell the judge that given a little time he might be able to cobble together Crimea.

Mrs. Putin told the judge if he could add Ukraine and Belarus as well, this would satisfy her. The judge in the case, Peter Alexeyevich Thegreatski, ruled that Mr. Putin would have two years in which to satisfy her alimony demands. No child support was requested by Mrs. Putin for daughters Mariya (28) and Yekatarina (27).

These reports were met with a bit of skepticism from the U.S. State Department. One high-ranking State Department employee, who was not authorized to speak on the Department's behalf, said, "I find it hard to believe Mrs. Putin did not seek anything for her daughters. We've seen reports from the NSA's phone taps that show she demanded Moldova for the two girls."

The State Department employee added that it was hard to confirm anything now since, "Judges Romanov and Thegreatski both recently moved with their families to the Taymyr Peninsula region of the Siberian Federal District."