ON: ARIZONA GOVERNOR WAGES WAR ON SOUTHERN PRIDE

According to Reuters News Service, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed a law Tuesday allowing Arizona health authorities to conduct surprise inspections of abortion clinics without a warrant.

The surprise move was not taken well in the Southeastern section of the country. The Athens Weekly & Cornpone Monthly newspaper reported that Governor Nathan Deal was livid with rage. "We Georgians are not too thrilled with this move in Arizona. Georgia takes great pride in being number one in the nation in doing God's will. And, after all, who knows better about women's plumbin' than men."

When asked to comment on why he thought Governor Brewer made this bold move, the former Democrat turned Republican said, "I think it's jus' that time of her life. My wife's the same way when she gets those hot flashes. You good ol' boys all know what I mean. She starts thinkin' she's in charge!"

In the Gunshine State to the south, The Seminole Alligator Alley Daily reported that Governor Rick Scott telephoned his Arizona counterpart as soon as he heard the news. According to one source in the Governor's Mansion, Scott was very straightforward with Brewer, reportedly asking, "Who the hell do you think you are, a man?"

When asked what his plans are for the State of Florida, the first-term Governor said that, since the Legislature was still in session, he was drafting an emergency bill that would, "grant the state Republican Party control over all of a woman's internal girl parts."

Running for re-election this year, the Governor proclaimed that,"It'll be very hard for women to vote for any Democrat in the upcoming election if their Ovaries and Fallopian tubes belong to the Republican Party."

When asked whether all Florida women will be included in the new law, Scott stated that only those women younger than his wife, Ann, would be affected. According to both her website, Meet First Lady Ann Scott, and her Facebook page, it appears Mrs. Scott has no birth date, therefore no age limit is possible to ascertain.

The Governor admitted later that he would need to speak with his wife to see if it was okay to release her age as the bill moves forward, saying, "You know, girls are pretty finicky about that age thing."

Speaking also to the Cornpone Monthly, Atlanta Pastor Martin Luther "Bubba" Queen, Jr., said he is mortified that the Georgia Legislature has been so slow in keeping up with the latest in anti-abortion bills.

"It's up to us men to keep women on the right side of God's law.  After all, God himself tells us who is boss. 'Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord,' our Heavenly Father proclaims in Colossians 3:18!" 

The Primitive Baptist Horned Toad and Snake Handling Divinity Church of the Lord Risen Christ Pastor also proclaimed that everyone knows, "'Sin began with a woman and thanks to her we all must die.' as written by God in Ecclesiasticus 25:33."

According to the Arizona-based Maricopa County Gila Monster Times, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, when told what Scott and Deal had said about the Arizona Governor, screamed, "You tell those two sniveling Eastern fruit tarts that if they say one more bad word about that beautiful woman I'll fly back East and squeeze their cojones so hard the Vatican Boy's Choir will be calling them."

ON: TRUTH ABOUT PUTIN'S RAMPAGE IN UKRAINE EXPOSED

According to a report released by the Chief Judge of the Moscow Civil Court, Vladimir Ilich Romanov, the Putin divorce last year was much less civil than the couple made public in June 2013. Judge Romanov is quoted as saying, "Mrs. Putin testified that not only was Mr. Putin short-tempered, he was short in other ways as well."

When Lyudmila Putin was asked by a reporter from the Moscow Times & Vodka Daily if this report was accurate, she said simply, "What can I say? The man has small hands and feet, you figure it out."

When pressed further about President Putin's reported dalliance with Russian gymnast Alina Kabayeva, his former wife said only that, " Da! It is true. She's tiny and, with her ability to do leg splits, she can move close enough to Vlad to actually feel like something is happening to her. I couldn't feel that."  When asked to clarify that statement, she said, "That is the short and long of it."

The Chief Judge, claiming he was following Russia's extensive new Sunshine Laws, also released the complete transcript of the civil hearing to end the 30-year marriage. In his testimony, Mr. Putin told the judge he was unable to meet his former wife's alimony demand to grant her large parts of the former Soviet Union, like the Baltic states.  However, he did tell the judge that given a little time he might be able to cobble together Crimea.

Mrs. Putin told the judge if he could add Ukraine and Belarus as well, this would satisfy her. The judge in the case, Peter Alexeyevich Thegreatski, ruled that Mr. Putin would have two years in which to satisfy her alimony demands. No child support was requested by Mrs. Putin for daughters Mariya (28) and Yekatarina (27).

These reports were met with a bit of skepticism from the U.S. State Department. One high-ranking State Department employee, who was not authorized to speak on the Department's behalf, said, "I find it hard to believe Mrs. Putin did not seek anything for her daughters. We've seen reports from the NSA's phone taps that show she demanded Moldova for the two girls."

The State Department employee added that it was hard to confirm anything now since, "Judges Romanov and Thegreatski both recently moved with their families to the Taymyr Peninsula region of the Siberian Federal District."

ON FLORIDA MURDERS FIVE BLACKS AFTER WHITE WOMAN ATTACKED

In a story that could only roll out of Florida, according to CBS News, a total of five poor young black bears were killed by the state. Their crime, evidently, was living near the home of a white woman who was attacked by a single black bear last week.

She reportedly went to her home's garage alone in Lake Mary because, according to her husband, he was smart enough to know not to go alone to investigate strange sounds in the garage.

In an exclusive interview with Jimmie Ray Smith, one of the killers, speaking to reporter Johnny Bobby Smith of the Okefenokee News and Mobile Home Daily, owned by Billy Jim and Betty Sue Smith of Ocala, it was reported that he is now claiming innocence based on Florida's Stand Your Ground law.

"I was in fear for my life," said Jimmie Ray. "After all the bear was black and listening to loud rap music while eating Skittles," Mr. Smith claimed.

Judge Timmy Lou "Cootie" Smith claimed his third cousin was within his rights. "We in Florida know these Skittles eatin' blackies love to eat white women," he told Fox News.

Oh, by the way, they do not know if any of these five dead black bears included the one that attacked the woman. [See scene from the movie Jaws after small boy is taken by white shark.]

Go Florida!!

ON THE CHANGES ONE MAKES TO LIVE IN A "STAND YOUR GROUND" STATE

Those who read my blog know that in 2013 I returned to Saint Petersburg, Florida, after living in Medellin, Colombia, for two years. I returned to "St. Pete" because I still owned a home I had purchased there in 2001. I rented it while I was away.

I have watched my adopted city evolve...from a sleepy pensioner's home to a vibrant youth mecca named one of The New York Times' 52 PLACES TO GO IN 2014.

During that time I have also watched the Florida legislature, in bed with the National Rifle Association, add "Stand Your Ground" and other crazy gun laws to our books. And, I have witnessed the trials related to these abominations where killers can shoot children dead for being children and be found not guilty of these brutal acts.

The other day I went to Abercrombie Park, which is a small spot on the bay near my home. It is a lovely walk through nature ending in an opening to Long Bayou, an offshoot of Boca Ciega Bay.

Next to the parking area for this small paradise is a sign noting rules about trash, pets, and more. The sign not only explains to visitors the rules, like keeping pets leashed and removing their "excreta" [the city's word, not mine], but also cites the exact number of the city's enforcement code.

But, as in every city, there are those special citizens who own special pets that must be allowed to roam and "poop" where they please. Do not expect me to pick up the essence of my dog's Blue Buffalo diet. He and it are special.

In the hour I spent there I probably saw 15 humans. Three of these homo sapiens were accompanied by dogs. Two canines were without a leash. The one on a leash, a pit bull, lunged at me as I passed, forcing me off the trail. One of the two dogs not on a leash curved his spine next to the trail while the owner watched intently. Both dog and owner sauntered off not wanting to spend another millisecond near the steaming pile of odoriferous dog excrement.

The owner walking the dog that scared me off the nature trail said nothing to me, uttering neither a "sorry" nor an "oops." The dog excrement was left in all its steaming brownness. Some unsuspecting visitor in flip flops will invariably step in this stinking pile of canine bombs. The poor nature lover will then have to spend 5 minutes feverishly sliding his or her feet to and fro through a lovely patch of grass while trying to rid themselves of the smell of dog crap.  I said nothing to any of these inconsiderate ordinance breakers.

Florida is a state that has been in drought condition for years.  We are, therefore, subject to forest and brush fires all year long. Yesterday I watched a man puff on his cigarette with that familiar last deep drag, then flip it out of his car.  He was sitting next to me. I said nothing to this potential forest-fire igniter.

I have mentioned previously that I have not been to a public movie theatre since January 13th of this year. That is the day a retired police captain, Curtis Reeves, shot and killed a man for texting while the man was sitting in the seat in front of Reeves.  In a case of murderous hypocrisy, Reeves killed Chad Oulson immediately after he himself had sent a phone text to his son while sitting in the darkened theatre.

I am a former U.S. Marine and a combat veteran. I have learned to fire accurately many types of weapons...pistols, rifles, shot guns, machine guns, grenade launchers, rocket launchers, flame throwers, and more.

Since I left the Marine Corps I have not owned a gun of any sort. I believe that in a civilized society only the police and the military should carry weapons. I do not believe the Second Amendment pertains to anything other than a militia, to create a gendarmerie or police force.

Since I have reached adulthood I have typically been the one to comment to someone when they were doing something harmful or annoying. "Please turn off your cell phone," while watching a movie, might leave my lips. "Please pick up your dog's poop," would get passed at the park. Or, "don't toss your butt out the window, it'll start a fire," could be said at a traffic light. Not anymore.

Reminders to people to be courteous will not issue from my lips. Unless someone physically attacks me they will not even hear a peep from me. I have become the proverbial clam. Only with friends and family will I dare speak up anymore.

I live in Florida. It is the land of shoot first; claim, "I was in fear for my life;" and no other defense need be established, thank you.

If the intention of wide open gun laws is to make anyone without a gun fearful, then the law has succeeded I think. As an attorney friend of mine tells me, "Don't pay a price higher than what the other person is worth." No American who believes they need to carry a gun has enough worth for me to lose my life to them. 

When I lived in Medellin, and asked someone to not talk during a film, I did not fear a bullet as an answer.  I cannot say that in sunny Florida.

Welcome home, Marine. Hoo-rah!

ON ANOTHER WAY MANY STATES KEEP BLACKS FROM VOTING

On March 26, 2014, the United Nation's Committee on Human Rights issued its report on the United States of America. It is not a very nice thing to read. SEE FULL REPORT HERE

Our country is condemned for listening to phone conversations, firing missiles at unsuspecting human beings from drones, torturing prisoners, and more. The USA has not done a very good job of living up to its self-made image of American exceptionalism...unless by exceptionalism we mean to live outside the rules of civilized society.

Sections 4 through 26 of the report cover everything from our high rate of murder due to gun violence to how we treat our indigenous people. However, Section 24, entitled simply, Voting Rights, provides the impetus for today's Martin's Musing.

According to the American Civil Liberties Union nearly six million Americans have had their Constitutional rights violated by the states in which they reside. Their voting rights have been taken away and not returned. These citizens are convicted felons who have completed their sentences. They have paid their debt to society under the law. And, whether you personally agree with it or not, according to the U.S. Constitution they should have no further barriers to the ballot box.

The U.S. has the highest incarceration rate in the civilized world with about 754 prisoners per 100,000 of population. While African-Americans comprise only 13.1% of the population of the United States, according to the U.S. Census Bureau; they account for more than 40% of the prison population, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics. I believe this imbalance has more to do with intolerance rather than some inherent criminality within our African-American citizens.

In a report entitled, Democracy Imprisoned: A Review of the Prevalence and Impact of Felony Disenfranchisement Laws in the United States, written and presented by The Leadership Conference, the NAACP, the ACLU and others, it is estimated that 2.2 million blacks in the U.S. are currently disenfranchised. SEE FULL REPORT HERE

Forty percent of these Americans have already completed their sentences. One out of thirteen adult black Americans are unable to cast their vote. This is four times greater than that of the remaining U.S. population. In three states, Florida (23%), Kentucky (22%), and Virginia (20%), at least one in five African-American citizens is disenfranchised.

The 13th Amendment to our Constitution, which ended slavery as an institution in the United States, states in Section 1:

"Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction." 

This Amendment to me is very clear. In addition to banning slavery, it finds that imprisonment and involuntary servitude are equal. State and Federal prisons obviously agree as many still require prisoners to perform involuntary service, such as road and construction gangs. Even the printing of state license plates is still a requirement of some prisoners while serving a sentence.

In Richardson v. Ramirez (1974) the Supreme Court cited the 14th Amendment as making valid the practice of felon disenfranchisement. It found an "affirmative sanction" based on the words, "except for participation in rebellion, or other crime," within Section 2.

However, Section 1 of the 15th Amendment, which provides additional clarity regarding barriers to voting, states:

"The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude."

Typically cited for recognizing the right of African-Americans to vote, this Amendment also provides that previous servitude, involuntary or not, may not bar someone from the ballot box. It sets no added restrictions regarding what type of crime or incident put you in involuntary servitude. It does not say if you were convicted of murder or rape you would be further restricted than someone convicted of armed robbery or burglary.

So, what is the problem? The problem is that certain states have decided, on their own, to place what I think are extraordinary barriers to felons even after they have served their sentences.

Some, like Maine and Vermont, have no restrictions. They allow even those imprisoned to vote along with the general population. Thirteen states and the District of Columbia allow felons to vote once they are released from prison. Twenty-four states consider probation or parole a part of their imprisonment process, allowing former prisoners to vote only after they have completed this part of their sentence as well. Thus, it seems to me, 39 states follow the U.S. Constitution.

The States of Alabama, Arizona, Delaware, Florida, Iowa, Kentucky, Mississippi, Nevada, Tennessee, Virginia, and Wyoming do not? These states clearly do not believe in forgiveness after penance.

Alabama says no to anyone convicted of a crime of moral turpitude. Arizona allows first time felons to vote after they complete their sentence, while others must petition the state for that right. Some, like Virginia and Florida, require that you wait five to seven years before you can petition for a return of your rights. Delaware requires a pardon from the Governor depending on the crime committed.

I believe the many references equating servitude and criminal conviction in the Constitution allow for disenfranchisement of those still serving their time. However, nowhere does it allow states to set their own extraordinary rules for felons who have completed their sentences. I believe the right to vote is too precious to deny.

It makes no difference your race, your creed, your gender, your color, your sexual preference, your country of origin, or your previous condition of servitude. If you are an American citizen, you should have equal access to all Constitutional rights...especially the right to vote.

ON EARLY ESTIMATES SUGGEST MILLIONS DRANK OBAMACARE KOOL-AID

A report published in The Los Angeles Time suggests an estimated 9.5 million previously uninsured Americans have signed up for health insurance under the Affordable Care Act, also known as "Obamacare."

Medicaid enrollment under the new law jumped by 4.5 million Americans. About 3 million young people under the age of 26 were added to their parents' insurance plans. And, approximately 2 million of the more than 7 million people signing up for new insurance plans were not previously covered.

Katherine Carman of the RAND Corporation suggested the numbers of those previously uninsured might be as high as 9.8 million people, according to the Tampa Bay Times.

Commenting on this phenomenon, Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY), who previously told FOX News he thought the White House was, "cooking the books on this," told the Cheyenne and Cowboy News Observer that he has heard only drug addicts have signed up for the insurance.

"It's my understanding that after you signed up for this socialistic program you were given a prescription for unlimited refills of both Hydrocodone and medical marijuana."  "When you think about it, other than drinking the Obamacare Kool-Aid, it is the only way someone would sign up for this cockamamie scheme," he added.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), when asked if he agreed with Senator Barrasso's assessment said, "I know for a fact that people in the Dallas suburbs were invited to a breakfast of green eggs and ham where an Obamacare Navigator was able to sign up hundreds of God-fearing Texans." "I personally think they put a brain-washing drug in the green eggs and washed it down with that Obamacare Kool-Aid," he recounted for the Dallas Morning News and Bronco Daily

Sarah Palin, not to be left out of the punditry stakes, telephoned The Nome News and Grizzly Bear Weekly after the story broke. She claimed that, "At least half [of the new enrollees] will be dead within the year after the death panel procedures begin this summer...that is if the Obamacare Kool-Aid doesn't kill them."

CNN, which had to break into its 24-hour coverage of the Malaysian Airlines disaster, said a reliable source "tweeted" Wolf Blitzer blaming the debacle on, "Zombie Navigators."  Don Lemon claiming he is younger and had a Twitter account, took over the on-air investigation asking Twitter followers to provide their opinion about whether Zombie Navigators or Obamacare Kool-Aid was the cause of Obamacare's numbers.

In Florida, where both Governor Rick Scott and the State Legislature have fought vigilantly against the evils of Obamacare, Will Weatherford, Speaker of the Florida House of Representatives, was quoted in the Florida Gunshine News Observer.

"I cannot believe more than 440,000 Florida residents were caught in this web of lies and deception.  We did everything we could to stop this, including turning down $51 Billion to fund the program with no strings attached."

The Koch Brothers say they are surprised and flummoxed, David said in the Wichita Koch News & Conservative Weekly, "We put billions into stopping this, including hiring Chinese and Russian hackers to destroy the healthcare.gov website. I cannot believe they were able to fix it so quickly. Damn it is frustrating."

His brother, Charles, went further, again speaking to the newspaper they own, "We have contacted the 229 members of the House that we bought and they have promised me they will bring this up again and vote it down like they have 50 times before. You can take that to the bank."

When contacted to confirm the Koch Brothers' comments, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) said, "Oh, yea, we're going to do this at least one more time."

In a telephone conversation with President Barack Obama, he told this reporter, "I told them to drink the Kool-Aid, and it worked."

ON FAIR WAGES FOR PEOPLE IN A COUNTRY LACKING REASON

As reported by USA Today, Bank of America announced last week that CEO Brian Moynihan was given an 89% total compensation hike in 2013, from $7.4 million to $14 million. Bloomberg News quoted Jeanne Branthover, managing director at Boyden Global Executive Search, regarding the increase.

"They felt justified giving him a raise because the bank's performance improved, but they didn't give him an outrageous raise. They're also looking at how the outside world views this, and so they were relatively conservative."

The New York Daily News reported that Miguel Cabrera, the 31-year-old first baseman with the Detroit Tigers, agreed to a contract extension. He is now signed for a total of 10 years.  His new contract will pay him a total of $292 million. Torii Hunter, Cabrera's teammate, was quoted in a story in The Detroit Free Press.

"The young guys coming up in the organization should see how loyal the Tigers are to their players. This organization is A-1."

Also in baseball, the Los Angeles Angels announced the signing of a contract extension with 22-year-old outfielder Mike Trout for an additional 6 years at $144.5 million, according to the Tampa Bay Times. The San Jose Mercury News printed this quote from Angels' Manager Mike Scioscia. 

"I think everybody is obviously thrilled that it got done. He's a special player and a special person."

In his 2014 State of the Union address President Barack Obama announced he wanted to raise the Federal minimum wage for American workers to $10.10 an hour. FOX News later quoted Bob Funk the CEO of Express Employment Professionals. His company recently published a survey of 1,213 business and human resource professionals.

"...based on this survey, there's no denying that raising the minimum wage will result in layoffs, reduced hiring, and higher prices at a large chunk of American companies."

Really! Why? 

If American business is so fragile that a $2.85 per hour wage increase will force businesses to layoff or fire employees, then how can they afford to pay CEO's like Moynihan 89% more than they paid him last year? The bank CEO has an Ivy League education, but does that equate to such a year-to-year increase? 

Cabrera and Trout both can hit baseballs, seemingly at will, but does that translate to salaries of more than $24+ million per year each? 

And, why do these pay raises draw praise, while the mere request for a $2.85 an hour increase draws condemnation?

The Social Security Administration estimates the average American's wage was $42,498.21 in 2012. The U.S. minimum hourly wage, according to the Department of Labor, has been $7.25 per hour since 2009. 

Cabrera will be paid an average of $180,246.91 for every game the Detroit Tigers play the next ten years, whether he is penciled into the lineup or not; Trout, under the same obligation regarding appearances, will take home $148,662.55 for each game the Angels play during his contract tenure. 

Unlike the over-compensated employees mentioned earlier, those earning the minimum hourly wage, or the average American salary, actually have to show up for work every day, rain or shine, and provide labor during their 8-hour or more shifts...every...single...day.

Priorities regarding fair wages? Maybe we should step back and think about ours.