ON PET OWNERSHIP

I recently read an on-line article, “7 things you should never say to a dog owner.”  The article was published on Dogster and later published again on Yahoo!^®. Among the things you should never say to a dog owner, my two favorites were: 1) “You can come, but don’t bring the dog.” and 2) “I’d never spend that much on a dog, I’d put it down.”

Let me muse on these, please. I cannot, even in moments when my brain might be swimming in whiskey or cannabis, fathom anyone who might assume their doggie is also part of the invitation to my home.  Never!  It hurts to even wrap my grey matter around this concept.  

Second, dogs (and cats also) are pets.  I have owned dozens in my life.  I have humanized them with feelings related to the way they stand or sit or seem to sulk.  I, however, fully understood that this was me giving the dog or cat something they did not possess, a thinking and logical brain.  I was never delusional enough to think otherwise.

The television advertisement for Blue^™ Buffalo pet food to the contrary, there is no such human as a “Pet Parent.”  Pets are property, pure and simple.  Yes, you must not treat them cruelly.  But, they are not children no matter how much you allow them to cost you.  You are owner, not parent.  If you think you are the latter, psychological counseling might help.

And, speaking of how much they cost, a friend of mine is a National Market Representative for several pet products.  He told me that his trade association has data to suggest that many people who live on their Social Security check alone, when their monthly benefit arrives, go to the store and buy food and other supplies for their pet for the month.  Whatever remains of their benefit after that is for their rent, food, and healthcare.  I am sorry, folks, that is sick.  Even Alf Wight, the British veterinary surgeon who wrote “All Creatures Great and Small,” would wince in pain at that revelation.

Finally, please pet owners, quit bringing your bloody dogs to The Home Depot.  There is not one project I have ever worked on in my many home renovations that required I bring Mate, or Lady, or Blue, or Susie or any of the other dogs I have owned in my life.  Your dog is color blind, so she will be no good in the paint department.  Without opposable thumbs you can also rule out both the task of helping you measure for new doors or helping with the install of same.

Grow up, America.  If you have so much money you cannot think of anything else to spend it on there are thousands of poor children of all colors and sizes who could use support and love.  Look at the upside.   These little ones could ride to The Home Depot with you and actually help you choose the correct color paint to match your mood.