ON: ARIZONA GOVERNOR WAGES WAR ON SOUTHERN PRIDE

According to Reuters News Service, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed a law Tuesday allowing Arizona health authorities to conduct surprise inspections of abortion clinics without a warrant.

The surprise move was not taken well in the Southeastern section of the country. The Athens Weekly & Cornpone Monthly newspaper reported that Governor Nathan Deal was livid with rage. "We Georgians are not too thrilled with this move in Arizona. Georgia takes great pride in being number one in the nation in doing God's will. And, after all, who knows better about women's plumbin' than men."

When asked to comment on why he thought Governor Brewer made this bold move, the former Democrat turned Republican said, "I think it's jus' that time of her life. My wife's the same way when she gets those hot flashes. You good ol' boys all know what I mean. She starts thinkin' she's in charge!"

In the Gunshine State to the south, The Seminole Alligator Alley Daily reported that Governor Rick Scott telephoned his Arizona counterpart as soon as he heard the news. According to one source in the Governor's Mansion, Scott was very straightforward with Brewer, reportedly asking, "Who the hell do you think you are, a man?"

When asked what his plans are for the State of Florida, the first-term Governor said that, since the Legislature was still in session, he was drafting an emergency bill that would, "grant the state Republican Party control over all of a woman's internal girl parts."

Running for re-election this year, the Governor proclaimed that,"It'll be very hard for women to vote for any Democrat in the upcoming election if their Ovaries and Fallopian tubes belong to the Republican Party."

When asked whether all Florida women will be included in the new law, Scott stated that only those women younger than his wife, Ann, would be affected. According to both her website, Meet First Lady Ann Scott, and her Facebook page, it appears Mrs. Scott has no birth date, therefore no age limit is possible to ascertain.

The Governor admitted later that he would need to speak with his wife to see if it was okay to release her age as the bill moves forward, saying, "You know, girls are pretty finicky about that age thing."

Speaking also to the Cornpone Monthly, Atlanta Pastor Martin Luther "Bubba" Queen, Jr., said he is mortified that the Georgia Legislature has been so slow in keeping up with the latest in anti-abortion bills.

"It's up to us men to keep women on the right side of God's law.  After all, God himself tells us who is boss. 'Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord,' our Heavenly Father proclaims in Colossians 3:18!" 

The Primitive Baptist Horned Toad and Snake Handling Divinity Church of the Lord Risen Christ Pastor also proclaimed that everyone knows, "'Sin began with a woman and thanks to her we all must die.' as written by God in Ecclesiasticus 25:33."

According to the Arizona-based Maricopa County Gila Monster Times, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, when told what Scott and Deal had said about the Arizona Governor, screamed, "You tell those two sniveling Eastern fruit tarts that if they say one more bad word about that beautiful woman I'll fly back East and squeeze their cojones so hard the Vatican Boy's Choir will be calling them."