Some, for example Texas, Oklahoma, and Ohio, have resorted to creating their own lethal injection protocols or having drugs compounded in secret laboratories.
Two recent executions employing these new techniques, however, went terribly wrong, one each in Ohio and Oklahoma. In the Oklahoma debacle, it took Clayton Lockett more than a half hour to die...and he died of a heart attack, not by lethal injection.
In response to these two episodes some states are getting creative. According to The Guardian, Republican Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam has signed legislation allowing his state to execute prisoners by electric chair if the state finds itself unable to procure drugs needed for lethal injection.The Governor's spokesman, Jimmie Ray Bigbutt, speaking by telephone to the Tennessee Hillbilly Radio Network, explained why the need for this legislation.
"The pinkos in Europe, ya'll know them there Frenchies and Eyetalians, are attempting to keep Americans from exercising their God-given right to kill people who have no right to live on God's green earth."
In Wyoming, under the same pressure as its sister state in the South, legislators are preparing a bill to return the firing squad as a means to execute prisoners. The bill is scheduled to be heard during the state's next legislative session, according to The Guardian.
Like previous actions by Arizona regarding abortion laws, however, [See: AZ Governor Wages War on Southern Pride], these moves are not sitting well with the Governors of states located in the Deep South.
Governor Nathan Deal, who recently signed the "Guns Everywhere" Law [See: GA Guns Everywhere Law] in an attempt to keep his state ahead in gun legislation, was red-faced when told about the moves by Tennessee and Wyoming. "This is outrageous behavior," he told a reporter for the Vidalia Onion and Conservative Weekly.
The Governor has mentioned that he might call on state legislators to come up with some alternatives for the Peach State. State Senator Bobby "Reds" Muffinbottom, an ordained minister, told The Peach Pit News and Sentinel that he is considering sponsoring a bill to bring back crucifixion.
"Hell's fire, if it was good enough for the Lord Jesus Christ our Almighty Savior, it's good enough for the likes of murderers and other low lifes."
Alabama Governor Robert Bentley told the Mobile Backwater Country Fish Wrap Times that he is also concerned with this movement in other states. He explained,
"As a physician I can tell you that lethal injection is a very good way to kill someone without hurting them. However, in reviewing other humane ways to execute, I asked my friends at the Alabama Medical Society for advice. They think the guillotine is our best alternative option.
First, the machinery is readily available from Harbor Freight. Second, it kills the prisoner quickly and without pain. And, third, it's clear we'd be able to harvest their organs for use by indigent Alabamans."
Rick Scott of Florida, who is running for re-election this year, refused to comment. The first-term Governor's campaign office did release a brief statement, however. It read:
"Everyone knows it's the fault of Obamacare that we can't get our hands on these important lethal drugs used to weed out the worst in our society. We also know that Governor Scott's opponent, Democrat Charlie Crist, picked the wrong side in this important battle for state's rights. Now let's get to work."
"Unlike ESPN, MSNBC, and CNN, we have the stomach and the means to show Americans what they really want to see," the former UFC fighter exclaimed. "We at FOX think this'll surpass even auto racing as the best spectator sport in the South," DuPre continued.
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